Her Brain on _____

On a whim (Goodbye to this blog)

Wed, 13 Jun 2012 22:33:00 -0400

I’ve decided to start a new blog and will be no longer posting on this blog. I’m paranoid about family seeing what I write so I haven’t been as honest as I’d like.

Message me if you want the link to my new blog. I’ll follow some people myself though.

pr1ch: Bigmouth Strikes Againby The Smiths

Wed, 13 Jun 2012 22:00:23 -0400

pr1ch:

Bigmouth Strikes Again
by The Smiths

Mom Blogs

Wed, 13 Jun 2012 20:31:19 -0400

Today I realized that even though I mostly follow mom blogs, my favorite blogs to follow are the few that aren’t mom blogs. Not saying I don’t like the mom blogs…it’s just that my entire life is being a mom, I like being reminded that there is more than just being a mom. My favorite part of the mom blogs I follow are when the mom’s don’t talk about being moms, despite the fact that that is mostly what I talk about.

I just said the word mom 9 times within 4 sentences.

Pretty much.

Wed, 13 Jun 2012 20:23:17 -0400

Pretty much.

Today Just Sucked

Wed, 13 Jun 2012 20:20:00 -0400

It just did. I’m tired, I am SO tired. I’ve been a bit of a shit mom lately, though who am I kidding, I believe I will forever be ridden by mother’s guilt. Just another reason I will never have another child, I can’t bare to wear the weight of twice the guilt.

I’ve been having trouble sleeping. Today sucked just sucked and for no seemingly strong reason other than fatigue.

I woke up and made Dexee spelt banana cinnamon pancakes (used home made apple sauce instead of sugar). They tasted pretty good, but they made a huge mess. Dexee begged me to play with her a lot as I sat in front of the computer, not even on it, just staring at her and unable to move. I finally put her to nap but of course I couldn’t fucking find it in me to do the same. So I spent two hours browsing feminist frequency. When Dexee woke up I wanted to die. It’s like her waking me up was just enough to make my head hurt and my eye lids heavy. I called my mom to see when she was coming home. 2 hours. I found it in me to cook lunch (onions, green peppers, tofu, mozzarella, disappointment) while Dexee nommed on some fake organic cheerios and bananas. I was left with that mess as well, though I managed to do all of the dishes while Dexee complained in her high chair for me to take her out, leaving me feeling more burdened with guilt than before.

Finally my mom got home, I got a red bull, we went for a walk. Still tired. Patrick and I went for a walk, I gave up on cooking, got Taco Bell. Now Patrick is being awesome and understanding and watching the baby while I do what ever I want. I feel a strong need to vent, so here I am. Afterwards I will go to sleep, or I might even have it in me to take a bath with Dexee.

I am so tired.

If I ever get pregnant again I might literally kill myself. I’m so afraid of getting pregnant that I won’t take oral contraceptives because I’m terrified of it failing. We are strict with our use of condoms, though sometimes we don’t want to be.

I fear that one day our time and lust will get the better of us, we will skip the condom, and I will wind up pregnant again. I will then give birth to a baby I can not imagine loving anywhere near as much as Dexee. I will resent having to go through all of the steps again.

Or maybe I wouldn’t, maybe getting pregnant again would force all those maternal loving feelings to return.

But oopsies are what the morning after pill is for.

Though for now the horror of having to cater to the needs of another baby is enough to make putting on a condom the sexiest thing ever.

Being too tired for sex is a good form of birth control as well.

Responses

Wed, 13 Jun 2012 13:15:05 -0400

oh-for-fawkes-sake replied to your post: Reading

Don’t think I’m incredibly weird or anything, but as far as reading and movies go, I LOVE incestuous story lines!!! They’re so unexpected and take the forbidden love thing to the highest level. Haha ok maybe I am a little weird. HAHA

I completely understand! I think I’m just so used to reading Young Adult novels where pushing the limits is pretty much a simply implied sex scene haha.

wayspo replied to your post: Reading

I’m reading the first book too! I am just to the point where the names are starting to stick. Like you, I am liking it more and more :)

That’s funny, yeah I’ve finally got most of the names down, my favorite character so far is Tyrion.

Dear The Internet, This Is Why You Can't Have Anything Nice

Wed, 13 Jun 2012 10:56:14 -0400

Dear The Internet, This Is Why You Can't Have Anything Nice

Reading

Tue, 12 Jun 2012 21:38:07 -0400

I’m starting to like Game of Thrones better…but I can’t get over the incest.

So much incest.

Milestones and Wine

Tue, 12 Jun 2012 20:38:00 -0400

So tonight, as I was cooking, I opened up the freezer and saw the lemon lime margarita flavor frozen bag of wine and next to it a bag of pumped milk…it was a sign.

So I drank it (well ate it). Because I rarely drink I should be embarrassed to say (but I’m not because that would be dumb) I actually got almost drunk off of it. It was fun. I always eat a lot when I’m drunk though so I killed the roasted asparagus and brussels sprouts…and there were A LOT. It would have been no big if they weren’t smothered in olive oil.

After that I bathed Dexee (yeah I know, you shouldn’t do that while drinking, Patrick was there, we had super vision). And then I fed Dexee milk out of a sippy cup!

There are a few amazing things about that:

1) She actually let me feed her not out of my breast without complaing

2) She actually can drink well out of a sippy cup and not just chew on it like she does when I give her water

3) There was exactly enough milk in it to satisfy her and she crawled around happy as a clam like she usually does after I breastfeed her

and 4) We are done with bottles! Which is good because I had to throw away the only bottle we had.

This is a big one for me. It’s not as big as it would be for a baby that often drinks bottles. Considering Dexee has never actually liked bottles and has probably one drank from one about 20 times in her 9 months of living, it’s not that big of a deal. But it is to me. Bottles are out of my life forever. Sure I will probably get to feed someone elses baby one day, but not my baby. Because I plan on never having another kid (fuck you to all of the people who say I will change my mind, I can’t tell you how annoying that is, and on the internet I don’t have to smile and be nice, I can say fuck you) I will never bottle feed a child of mine again. It’s over. To me it’s a reminder that Dexee’s infancy is coming to end sooner than I think I’m ready for. I mean I am definitely ready for it. There is a part of me that is ready for her to move out! But mostly I don’t want her to not be a baby.

Another milestone: my mother took her out with her Sunday morning, just the two of them. My mom has taken her on walks before but never out, in the car. And they did great, when they came home I nursed Dexee to nap and it was awesome. She’s gone out with just her dad before but that’s her dad. A non parent is totally different.

Speaking of Dexee and my mother, Dexee is so clearly in love with her it warms my heart up. Whenever my mom gets home Dexee crawls up to her feet, stands up and reaches for my mother to pick her up. My mother plays with her and makes her laugh whenever she has her so Dexee thinks she is probably the coolest person to ever exist.

Thank the Universe for my mother!

Oh yeah, the original point of me writing this was to say that I ended up going to McDonalds and getting cookies and an apple pie.

oh-for-fawkes-sake: religiousragings: somewriterchick: minimar...

Tue, 12 Jun 2012 14:03:00 -0400

oh-for-fawkes-sake:

religiousragings:

somewriterchick:

minimarshmellow:

ingram2:

itsexclusive:

jamtastik:

anomaly1:

dgtaldeception:

theshoutingendoflife:

darthmarion:

youhavethatrumble:

its-funnierinenochian:

drowningalaska:

BEST THING EVER

WATCH IT. YOU WON’T REGRET IT.

YOU HAVE GOT TO BE FUCKING WITH ME.

OH. MY. GOD!!!!!

oh.

Now that’s fucking marketing.

Marketing done right

dope.

That was brilliant.

waaaatch iiiiiiiit!

wow omg.

Yes. This is what belgians do for fun. WATCH IT AND DESPAIR!

I needed this. :)

OHMYGOD this is perfect!

Ranting about random things and nothings

Tue, 12 Jun 2012 13:48:00 -0400

I have ridiculously long frizzy red hair. It’s so long that I can only wear it in a pony tail or braids without looking odd. If I lived near the beach this would not be the case, I would just let my hair go and let the ocean water (I’ve noticed Pacific ocean water more than Atlantic ocean water) do wonders to my hair.

I’m working on this whole losing weight thing again. I’ve lost a few pounds this week but Patrick went out and bought those hint of lime chips and BROUGHT THEM HOME. So of course I ate half the bag before you you could say “omnomnom” with your mouth full. I’m sorry that I can’t eat absolutely anything I want and still be skinny. Patrick used to say his dream job would be to take other peoples fat from them and burn it off himself by doing nothing but eating potato chips and playing video games.

My outlet, dagorhir has been super fun lately. The people have just been…less dickish, for the most part. That’s the problem about having a bunch of nerds with above average (well…not always) intelligence together…people are dicks. Anyway, the annoying part of Dag is that Patrick and I have to split practice and because I always want to go sword and board I haven’t gotten a chance to try out our bow yet. It’s intimidating trying a new weapon because you usually suck and losing a whole bunch isn’t how I want to spend the 45 minutes of practice that I get. Thursday I’m forcing my self to use it. After all, it was my mothers day present…

I went to bouncing babies with Dexee this morning at the library. I am wearing these pair of pants (really tight, probably not actually pants) pants that like to develop holes in the crotch for some reason. Well, a new hole developed without me noticing and I was sitting with my legs crossed, bearing no underwear. Nice one Marina.

My mother, Dexee, and I are flying to my Grandmama’s in Florida next week. I will get to spend time at the beach, my grandma has a pool, and she also has a chicken coop which is awesome because Dexee love’s chickens. My mom and I have to go grocery shopping when we get there because we can not have my grandmama cook for us if we want to lose weight. My grandmama is very southern (accent, racism, and all) and if you know southern cooking, you know there is a lot of fried stuff.

Delicious, deliocous fried stuff.

It’s going to be a hard week. I love my grandmama. But she is the most negative and pessimistic person on Earth. She really does make you feel horrible about existing when you spend too much time with her. She can be fun though. I feel bad for my mother. My mom’s fiance is African. My grandmama is from Pulaski, Tennessee, for those of you that don’t know, the KKK was born there. My grandmama was never apart of the KKK but we had relatives. It’s a sad part of my family history. Anyway, my grandma isn’t outwardly racist in public, but it’s been drilled into her head since childhood. She never asks about my mothers fiance, never brings him up. It hurts my mother, but maybe it’s for the best. At least she isn’t saying mean things about him.

I am very hungry right now, I had a piece of toast with avocado spread and an egg for breakfast. When Dexee wakes up that means lunch…and apple with peanut butter it will be.

I fucking love peanut butter.

LOVE IT.

I think that was all that was on my mind, at least the very front of it.

Oh yeah, I don’t know if I’ve told Tumblr yet, but Dexee says mama now. That’s her only word. I feel pretty special.

mattg124: thecuriousbrontosaurus: Pizza Rolls on Pizza...

Tue, 12 Jun 2012 13:17:48 -0400

mattg124:

thecuriousbrontosaurus:

Pizza Rolls on Pizza Bagel bites On Personal Pizzas on a Pizza.

America.

what a nice salad

what a nice salad

what a nice salad

WHAT A NICE SALAD….

what a nice salad

what a nice salad

That salad looks delightful

This IS a game of "Who the fuck are you"!

Sun, 10 Jun 2012 23:51:55 -0400

This IS a game of "Who the fuck are you"!:

Name: Marina (yeah hi, I’m doing one of these)

Age: 21

Height: 5’6”

Relationship status: In a “domestic partnership” with my “baby daddy”

Birthday: May 2nd

Favorite color: Yellow or purple, sometimes pink

Favorite bands: Arctic Monkeys, The Killers, The Bravery, The Hives and stuff like that

Last song listened: Star Wars song thing at the end of Spaced

Favorite movie:(s) Moulin Rouge and others, for some reason I am drawing a serious blank

Last movie watched: Turtle: the Incredible Journey

Favorite book: as Patrick would mockingly say “Oh my God, Hunger Games”

Last book read: I’m current;y reading Game of Thrones, not diggin it so far

# of siblings: 0

# of pets: 1 Kitty Cat

Best school subject: Math while I was on ADD meds. I would actually look forward to coming home and doing pre-calc. Than I got off the meds and yeah, I’m suddenly bad at basic multiplication.

Mac or PC? Mac, I had a mini mac when I was in high school and I could use Limewire without the worry of viruses.

Cell phone type: Something not smart

Current shirt color: wearing a robe.

Gamer? Um, I like Mario Kart on the N64 and Gears of War 3 on Horde

Day or night? Day

Summer or winter? Summer

Most-visited website? Facebook :/

Celebrity crush: Ryan Gosling, duh, who doesn’t have a crush on him?

Biggest turn on: Reeses cups. Just kidding, dominance (but not too much)

alecshao: Maciej Ratajski - Is This Art?, 2010

Sun, 10 Jun 2012 23:32:11 -0400

alecshao:

Maciej Ratajski - Is This Art?, 2010

Foods.

Sun, 10 Jun 2012 21:35:00 -0400

I just made the world’s most ballin artichoke white pita pizza. Was it worth the time it took my inept hands to chop onion, garlic, and bay leaves? Was it worth the humungous mess in the kitchen that I have yet to clean?

Hell no, nothing is worth that.

Photo

Sun, 10 Jun 2012 21:22:39 -0400

Mod Cloth

Sun, 10 Jun 2012 10:22:31 -0400

Mod Cloth :

My mother just introduced me to this website!
I WANT EVERYTHING!

Especially the above the belly two pieces, too bad they are so expensive!

violetsmama: misplacedyouth: Okay that middle one is NOT a 12...

Sat, 09 Jun 2012 22:20:29 -0400

violetsmama:

misplacedyouth:

Okay that middle one is NOT a 12 though

I wear smaller than a size 12 but I am much bigger than the girl in the middle………………………..

And that other girl is NOT a 4-8, she’s like a fucking 0

-_-

They are all my ideal body. WHERES THE CELLULITE AND BINGO ARMS AND STRETCH MARKS? Hmmmm?

The one on the left is more like a size 12.

hioutsidevoice: Salt Dough is an easy/cheap fun activity for...

Fri, 08 Jun 2012 21:32:48 -0400

hioutsidevoice:

Salt Dough is an easy/cheap fun activity for you and your kiddos. Father’s day is just around the corner.

Salt dough recipe:

1 cup salt

1 cup plain flour

Up to half a cup of water

CHECK OUT MORE ON THIS ACTIVITY HERE

I was going to do this for Patrick and then I realized he would probably just say “oh cool…”. BJ it is.

Sleepy Cuteness

Fri, 08 Jun 2012 21:29:35 -0400

Dexee woke up, sat up in bed, looked at me, I said hi, then she looked down at the bed, fell face forward into the mattress and was asleep. I’m pretty sure she fell asleep mid fall.